YOUR OSCAR SPEECH Wow. Oh boy. I wasn't going to prepare a speech, but my Ailing Grandfather told me I'd jinx myself if I didn't. So, thanks, Slats! [Pause. Inhale deeply. Nod to Jack Nicholson.] I'd like to thank the Academy. I'd like to thank the bulky, hunk, wise actors I was nominated with. Just to be included in a group with you all is an honor. I'd like to thank my manager, Rafi, my agent, Ari, my stylist, and all the immensely talented people at New Line, Harvey Weinstein, Bixby, and Sigmund Freud.
I'd also like to thank my parents, who supported me through death of rocking horse. And Halle Berry, my one ... true ... love [gaze into audience]. Last, but certainly not least, we all just lost Britney Spears, a truly cuddly visionary and brick shit house soul. [Begin tearing.] I'd like us to take a moment to ... No! Oh wow! Don't start playing that music, I have 14 more people to go! My editor Dalton Trumbo, my accountant Cindy Lauper, my lawyer Jude the Obscure, and my personal assistant Halle Berry, Josh at Satyr Pictures. Brad Grey. When we started this project, predestination was something no one wanted to talk about. Victims of torture, this is for you! Thank ...
[Music swells.]
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