Confederacy of Dunces: South Park

Heather Havrilevsky, Salon.com

Confederacy of dunces
In fact, the one good thing about being raised in a downward-spiraling country dominated by aggressive morons is that the comedy just keeps getting better and better. The very best comedies on TV, namely "The Office," "30 Rock" and "South Park," all get their comedy from the fact that you can't swing a clueless loser these days without hitting an ignorant asshole. Even my 12-year-old stepson, when I mentioned that I needed to watch "Big Brother 9," asked, "Is the house full of dumb butts again this year?"

Indeed, in these unique socioeconomic times in American history, there will be dumb butts. Dumb butts galore! And no one captures the creamery dumb-buttery goodness of America better than Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of "South Park" (10 p.m. Wednesdays on Comedy Central), which has offered up yet another brilliant season of nastiness that's about to come to a close (the finale is April 23).

Last week's episode, another timeless classic, found the residents of South Park in a state of hysteria over the fact that their Internet connections were down.

Guy No.1: There has to be a way to find out what's going on!

Guy No. 2: We can't! Don't you get it? There's no Internet to find out why there's no Internet!

Guy No. 3: What did we used to do to get the news before the Internet? All: Television!

News Anchor: Once again, we apologize, but we cannot bring you the news. It appears that we have no Internet here at News 4. We'll be happy to bring you up on current events just as soon as our Internet is back.

Eight days later, Randy decides to leave town. The neighbors ask him about his plans.

Neighbors: Randy, where will you go?

Randy: We're gonna head west. There's a rumor goin' around that there might be some Internet out there. So we're headin' out Californy way.

Neighbor: You don't know if there's any Internet in California?

Randy: Well, there certainly ain't none here! Look, maybe it's time you all faced reality! The Internet here is dried up.

Neighbor: It could come back.

Randy: Yeah, and maybe it won't. In the meantime I got a family that needs Internet right away!

Then there was the excellent episode a week earlier, "Eek! A Penis!" in which Mr. Garrison loudly regrets his sex-change operation, then goes in search of a mouse that can generate a genetic copy of his penis, attached to its body. The mouse with Mr. Garrison's penis attached to him eventually breaks loose, and then all hell breaks loose. Yes, this is the kind of sophisticated humor that highbrow types like myself enjoy to no end.

What's crazy about "South Park" is that even an episode about a mouse with a big, floppy penis on its back still includes plenty of biting commentary on the sorry state of American society, stuffing it all into as hopelessly juvenile and offensive a package as possible. When you think about this show's greatest hits: Chef joining a Scientology-like cult, a Mormon family moving to South Park, Cesar Milan training Cartman to be calm and submissive, it becomes clear that this show may be capturing the unique stupidity of our times better than our finest novelists and our most informed cultural commentators.

Which is nice, since those fine novelists and informed cultural commentators will have to look for work sowing beans and whipping up Boba Tea Smoothies for Chinese expats soon enough, due to the fact that America's global supremacy is dripping away faster than a body shot on the outie bellybutton of a wriggling, drunken sea donkey.

So let's all give a toast to these witty delights while the fruity cocktails are still flowing! Drink to excess, brothers and sisters, for tomorrow we squat in the dust, gnawing on goat kabobs!